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Games: (MOVED) Join Me In A Laugh

Created by: d9itl8r

4/13/10 @ 4:20pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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Stuck in the middle with you !!!

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.

They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his
apartment

She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the
bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,

medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,

and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy

to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.

but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,

after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,

'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds,

and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom

where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,

more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her,

strokes her cheek,

looks deeply into her eyes,

and says:

'Help yourself to any prize

from the middle shelf !

:orglaugh

Quote

Created by: d9itl8r

4/13/10 @ 9:37pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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TELL SANTA...

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,

when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell Santa;

The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!

:party

Quote

Created by: d9itl8r

4/16/10 @ 6:57am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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WHAT A GAS

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed
for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien
addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to
your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.
Again,there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he
drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in
peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't
want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at
the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion.
A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger
alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about
200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked
dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big,
green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He
damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy
friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic
travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis
over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

:drinkup

Quote

Created by: d9itl8r

4/16/10 @ 12:18pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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HILLBILLIES

Three Williston Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze..

1st Hillbilly says : "My wife sure is stupid! She bought an air conditioner. "

2nd Hillbilly says : "Why is that stupid?"

1st Hillbilly says : "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

2nd Hillbilly says : "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of

them new fangled warshin' machines!"

1st Hillbilly says : "Why is that so stupid?"

2nd Hillbilly says : "Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"

3rd Hillbilly says : "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer

wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer

some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar."

1st and 2nd Hillbillies say : "Well, what's so dumb about that? "

3rd Hillbilly says : "She ain't got no pecker.

Quote

Created by: d9itl8r

4/19/10 @ 7:35am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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"Old Nun"!!

An old nun
who was living in a convent next to a construction site
noticed the coarse language of the workers
and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch,
sit with the workers
and talk with them.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag
and
walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

She walked up to the group and with a big smile said:
"and do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,

"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down

'why'?

The worker yelled back,

"Cos his wife's here with his lunch"

:angel

Quote

Created by: d9itl8r

4/21/10 @ 6:34am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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what the hay another NEWFIE joke

After living in the remote wilderness of Newfoundland all his life, an old Newfie decided it was

time to visit St. John's. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him,

'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of me Fadder.'

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home,

he remembered that his wife didn't like his father, so he hangs it in the shed on his return.

Every morning before leaving to go fishin', he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed. One day after her husband

left, she went to the shed, searched and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she

fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's been runnin' around with.' :drinkup

Quote

Created by: d9itl8r

5/2/10 @ 10:42am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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Blind Bass Pro Shop Salesperson

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and
goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She
says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the
counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404
reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's
on sale this week for only $20.00.

She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of
it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her
credit card drops on the floor.

'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is
really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk
could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that
she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34..50 please.'

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50 :smoking

Quote

Created by: suggs

5/23/10 @ 3:57pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Carmen," she replied.

"That's a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?"

"Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to Carmen."

"Why did you [...]

Reveal the rest of this joke
A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Carmen," she replied.

"That's a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?"

"Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to Carmen."

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Well," she explained, "I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What's your name?"

"Beerpussy," the man replied.

Quote

Created by: hfactor_

5/23/10 @ 4:19pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Hanging with the Princess
Posts: 1,102

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Excuse me sir, but if you woke up at the airport and your asshole was bleeding, would you tell anybody? The man replied "no". "Would you like to go to the airport"? They guy asked the man.

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Created by: Crooks

5/23/10 @ 5:41pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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ahem..

a man walked into a bar

and said ow

duh dun dun! *cymbal crash*

thank you everyone and goodnight :winkwink

Quote

Created by: g-mann

6/9/10 @ 2:14pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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This guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day of service, he gets aquatinted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. The guy asks the sailor showing him around, "What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea?", to which the other replies, "Well, there is this barrel on the upper deck, just pump your cock in the side with the hole."

Weeks pass, and the new guy is getting real horny and remembers the barrel. He climbs to upper deck and sees the barrel. Flings his shlong out and starts fucking the barrel. Its simply the best feeling he had ever experienced, it was truly a success!

After he was done, zipped up and merrily walking along, the guy who originally told him about the barrel walks by. "That barrel really was great! I could do it every day!"

To which the other crew member replies, "Yeah, you can every day except Thursday." Confused, the new guy asks why, to which the other guy replies, "Because its your turn in the barrel on Thursday."

Quote

Created by: suggs

6/14/10 @ 11:52pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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Tips on how to masturbate;

If you're a girl

1) Get something small if it's your first time, like a lip gloss container. Make sure it's got a rounded tip.
2) Put a little water on it.
3) Get yourself on the ground or your bed. Make sure you're comfortable.
4) Put your feet up on something. Make sure they are higher than your head. Spread your legs.
5) For the ultimate experience, relax first. Just lay there. Think about nothing. And DONT BE NERVOUS.
6) Slowly begin to touch your breasts. Feel them (have your eyes closed or open but if they are open make sure you're not focusing on anything)
7) Keep one hand on your breast and slowly move the other one down to your thigh. (I did not have underwear but I was wearing pants and a shirt, loose pants.) Move your hand up and down your thigh while massaging your breast.
8) With your breast hand, slowly take the lip gloss container or your object of choice. Your clit might start to get a weird feeling like you really want to touch it. DON'T.
9) Tease yourself with the object by gently rubbing the spot between your poophole and vagina. This will drive you nuts. Slowly begin to touch and massage the part right above the hole. (I suggest you know where it is before you start all this.)
10) Rub for a while. Gently, occasionally harder but not too hard yet.
11) At this point you should be aching to rub harder and just get going. Again, don't. If you do not feel this yet, continue the teasing, very gently.
12) Slowly move your fingers to the hole, don't put them in, but just finger it softly.
13) Take your object and place it near the hole and your other hand. Take your free hand off the hole and start to massage your clit harder. (That's the spot above the hole)
14) Slowly stick the object in. Gently, it shouldn't feel good yet. It might hurt a small amount going in. That means you've bumped a sensitive spot. That's not a bad thing, just angle it a little and keep going.
15) Once it's in as far as it can be without losing it to your pussy, begin slowly moving it in and out a little. Don't take it all the way out, just a little. Get faster, and faster. Start massaging your clit HARD. Go nuts. You might feel like your on the brink of an orgasm. You might have one. This feels very good.
16) Then stick it in all the way and start pushing it back and forth hitting the sides of your hole. Faster, faster. Massage clit again.
17) Repeat steps 15 and 16 as much as you want. If you take it out for longer than 30 seconds, I suggest you excite yourself again with the teasing. If you do, it will be worse. Since you have already done it, you're going to want it worse.
18) I would stop with the lip gloss for now, don't go on to something bigger. Save that for another night. You could be sore after this but you shouldn't be unless you used something large.

If you're a boy

1)Read this.
2)Rub penis.

Quote

Created by: g-mann

6/21/10 @ 2:43am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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An American visitor to England watched his very first football match and was struck by the differences between English and American football.

After the match he fell into conversation with one of the English players and remarked, 'You know, over in the States, our players wear thick protective clothing. You guys must be frozen stiff in those light clothes.'

'It's not so bad,' said the Englishman. 'Sometimes the ground is covered in snow.'

'You don't say!' exclaimed the American. 'What do you do about the balls? Paint them red?'

'Oh, no,' said the player. 'We just wear an extra pair of shorts.' :orglaugh

Quote

Created by: g-mann

6/21/10 @ 3:03am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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Created by: suggs

7/6/10 @ 5:33pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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THE DENTISTThe dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.'I can't do the gas thing The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!'The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'The dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.' The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!'It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give yousomething to hold on to when I pull out your tooth.

Quote

Created by: lickau

7/7/10 @ 6:12pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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>
A man riding his harley alomg a Califoria beach looks up at the sky when suddenly the sky clouded above his head, and in a booming voice, the Lord said. "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I willgrant you one desire".

Thebiker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawail so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking: the supports required reaching the bottom of the pacific and the concrete and steel it would take ! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it's hardfor me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord I wish that I and all men could understand woman: I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied. "you want two or four lanes on that bridge?'

Quote

Created by: suggs

8/16/10 @ 7:50pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.

He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.

I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner, Zorro?"

Quote

Created by: g-mann

9/5/10 @ 11:44pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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Created by: hfactor_

9/11/10 @ 5:58pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Hanging with the Princess
Posts: 1,102

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Hmmmm.....sounds like i've heard this somewhere before :orglaugh

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Created by: g-mann

9/13/10 @ 8:55pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

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Online Models

Caio Dacosta

Visit My Room

Stev Jason

Visit My Room

Brent Shafter

Visit My Room

Aron Manu

Visit My Room

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